◄ by Paula Bergeron – Grafton, NH ►
In a recent email to Andrew Shier I wrote, “I am enclosing a copy of a note I wrote for a little ‘over fifty’ blog group I have joined. The leader throws out a topic and we respond. This past week she posted two pictures of herself and her husband, one in their youth and one now. She spoke about how she has changed and asked us to write about the same. I thought you might recognize your own hand in my response.”
In my younger days, and not so long ago as well, I lived a “Simon Says” existence. I sought out authority figures who would tell me what to do – if I did it right I was good, if I did it wrong I was out.
In my younger days and not so long ago, I had an intense and driven faith life. I participated, volunteered, provided music and felt deeply a spiritual desire to be good. My religion defined me and the way I looked at the world, and that world was small, demanding and restrictive.
In my younger days and not so very long ago, I lived the German work ethic of my childhood. To have value you worked, and valued work meant struggle.
Then in middle age I experienced a “dark night of the soul” (I recommend it if you haven’t had one). During this experience my own life force took over as I slowly gave in, gave up and gave out.
What I learned in the presence of this Divine Life Source was that I have always been and always will be good, I need only allow this goodness to float to the surface. I learned that an open mind and open heart to the spiritual experience of others can only bring a deeper appreciation of the Source of all that is. Finally, I joyfully learned that letting go of the struggle is the key to flourishing in this Divine flow of life.
So how have I changed? I have found freedom.