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IAAP Newsletter: The Unified Field

Part One of Four Parts

What is the most off-limits topic of discussion in the English-speaking Western world? Grief, or oneís reaction to loss. There isnít a word for grief in Spanish, by the way.

So what do we do as Attunement Practitioners when someone in our world is grieving? We tend to fall back on what we were taught, and it takes about 10 seconds to realize that we havenít been taught well at all. We may feel uneasy around grievers, uncomfortable with their outpouring of emotion, unsure of what to do or say. This series of articles will give you valuable information on how to handle grief in yourself as well as to assist others. It wonít be the full picture, but it will give you a start.

Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind. Grief is an emotion. Grievers arenít broken; they donít need to be fixed. And yet, we try to fix ourselves and others. We tend to say, ìDonít feel bad,î because thatís what we learned from our parents and friends. In other words, ìBury your feelings.î So we have a lot of people, ourselves included, that have a pile of buried feelings, unresolved grief inside. A lot of pneumaplasm is tied up in it all and it doesnít have to be that way.

Many people think loss is only death, divorce or the breakup of a romantic relationship. Actually, there are more than 40 kinds of loss that a person can experience during a lifetime: moving, graduation, job loss, home destroyed, wallet stolen, loss of body parts, terminal diseases, etc.

Weíve been taught how to acquire things such as jobs, education, home, relationships. But what happens when we lose those things? We fall back on misinformation from others received throughout our lifetime. Besides ìdonít feel bad,î weíve been taught we should replace the loss (ìThere are plenty of fish in the sea.î), grieve alone (ìShe needs to be left alone.î), just give it time, be strong for others, keep busy, etc. And thatís just the beginning!!

What grievers really need is someone to listen to them. Just listen, without interruption, analysis, judgment or criticism. Just be there fully present for them. They are OK, nothing is wrong. Youíll be surprised how easy it is. And donít say, ìI know how you feel.î

Next part: Common statements grievers hear from well-meaning, well-intentional folks which donít help the griever.Recommended reading: The Grief Recovery Handbook, by John W. James and Russell Friedman.

--VB